S: I think this was the best dinner I had this week.
Me: What? What kind of food did you have for dinner this week?
S: (looks at me smiling) I am not talking about the food. I meant the company that I have for this dinner and the conversation, Jenny.
Me: Oh…haha
blessed. she’s so sweet. but i honestly blushed a little bit. hehe
Whenever I approach this book, I put a little smirk on my face. Yes, this is the book where a woman was bold enough to propose to a man. Yes, this is the book that has a foreign woman as the main character. And yes, there’s a love story between a man and a woman, and it’s in the Bible.
But today, this book showed me something that I needed to see. I didn’t know until today that Ruth followed Naomi, not only because she wanted to be faithful and loyal to her mother-in-law, but also because she wanted to follow God and not turn back to her old idol. As she became a Christian and tasted God’s goodness, she chose the dead-end life, which was leading her to a foreign land without any security.
I asked myself if I can do that. Put myself to a dead-end road because that’s where God is going to be. There’s no guarantee, promise, or confirmation from God (I don’t know if Ruth received any of these), but you still go simply because you love God. So many times, trust and faith are emphasized in our journey with God, but really, how many times do I have faith because I love Him? A lot of the times, I blame myself for lacking discipline or not having enough strength. But Ruth showed me something different. When faith comes from love, it no longer looks courageous or obedient. It just seems so natural because you are going after what your heart desires.
Naomi. She told other women to call her Mara because of her bitterness. At first, I didn’t really recognize her pain. But when some girls pointed out, her loss pierced my heart. Based on the way her daughters-in-law wept aloud and not wanting to leave her, I could see how loving Naomi must have been to them. Yet this noble woman of God lost everything. But God brought her back into fullness. And it was crazy to learn how the Bible says the son was born to Naomi even though this son was born between Boaz and Ruth. Naomi went on a crazy roller coaster, only to find God’s faithfulness in the end.
For the past few weeks, I have been discouraged by the fact that I don’t trust God enough. I asked how to trust Him and all I could beg was to show me mercy. But God points back to the very basic of all my struggles. I can only go so far if I focus on self-discipline. I have asked God for discipline and strength. But I don’t think that’s how I can push through this season. I need to restore and refocus on my love for God. A walk with God is not a race. It’s not a fight. It’s a love story. Sure, there will be obstacles and sins that I will need to fight through. But really, that’s not the point. The purpose of this walk isn’t to become perfect. It’s simply to walk, with God who writes our love story as the author of our faith.
Restoration of faith needs to start from restoration of love.
i had a weird dream. i was trying to go to church but i kept going in a direction that i have never been before. at one point, i got lost and when i finally got to one church, it wasn’t the church i was looking for. it was a church for little kids. when i was standing outside of the building being puzzled, my coworker shows up and says this is a youth ministry church. i wanted to find another church but somehow i ended up there. i didn’t know what i was doing. but when the kids started singing, i felt this overwhelming joy and for some odd reason, it just felt right for me to be there.
it was a path that i didn’t expect to take or wanted to take, yet when i was led to be there, it was the best place i could be. so many times, i think and plan what i need to do or what i want to do. and even though it is important to have a goal, why is it so easy to forget the beauty of God’s hands that sometimes pushes us to places where we would never bother to look or go?
“Men, you don’t have to be rich and you don’t have to climb corporate ladders. You don’t have to fix cars and grow a beard. But it’s time to take a little initiative–in the church, with your career, and with women. Stop circling around and start going somewhere. It’s probably a good idea to be more like your grandpa and less like Captain Jack Sparrow. Even less like Peter Pan. Show some godly ambition. Take some risks. Stop looking for play dates and–unless God is calling you to greater service through singleness–start looking for a wife.”
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2011/11/03/dude-wheres-your-bride/
as i was sitting in the midst of crowd, i thought about what he said. when he said those words, i didn’t want to really think about them. but they did come back to me eventually. to be honest, i just wanted to talk to someone. someone who can understand what i’m actually saying. not just nod and ask a few questions here and there, but can genuinely look me into my eyes and understand.
i was nervous to meet up. because i didn’t have the answers. i didn’t know why i was where i was. i didn’t know why i left. all i knew was that i had to. but i wasn’t sure if this was where i was supposed to be. i see the needs all around me. yet i can’t open up. i can’t fully use the gifts that He has given me.
is what he said really what i am missing? the intimate community? i didn’t want to be too dependent on it. because i also learned the danger of it replacing God sometimes. but as i feel like i’m thrown into the lonely desert full of people, i had to ask myself if this is what God really wants.
Fear. I am ready to conquer you. I am weak but He is strong.
<행복의 문을 여는 열쇠들>
말을 많이 하면 반드시 필요 없는 말이 섞여 나온다. 원래 귀는 닫도록 만들어지지 않았으나 입은 언제나 닫을 수 있게 되어 있다.
돈이 생기면 우선 책을 사라. 옷은 해지고, 가구는 부서지지만책은 시간이 지나도 여전히 위대한 것을 품고 있다.
행상의 물건을 살 때는 값을 깎지 마라. 그 물건 다 팔아도 수익금은 너무 적으니 가능하면 부르는 그대로 주라.
잘 웃는 것을 연습하라. 세상에는 정답을 말하거나, 답변하기 어려운 일이 많다. 그때에는 허허 웃어 보라. 뜻밖에 문제가 풀리는 것을 보게 된다.
텔레비전에 너무 많은 시간을 빼앗기지 마라. 그것을 켜기는 쉬운데, 끌 때는 대단한 용기가 필요하다.
아무리 여유가 있어도 낭비는 나쁘다. 돈을 많이 쓰는 것과 낭비하는 것과는 큰 차이가 있다. 불필요한 것에 인색하고 꼭 써야 할 것에 손이 큰 사람이 돼라.
화내는 사람이 꼭 손해본다. 급하게 열을 내고 목소리를 높인 사람이 싸움에서 지며, 좌절에 빠지기 쉽다.
주먹을 불끈 쥐기보다는 두 손을 모으고 기도하는 자가 더 강하다. 주먹은 상대방을 상처 주고 자신도 아픔을 겪지만 기도는 모든 사람을 살리기 때문이다.
상처
덤불 속에 가시가 있다는 것을 안다.
하지만 꽃을 더듬는 내 손 거두지 않는다.
덤불 속의 모든 꽃이 아름답진 않겠지만
그렇게라도 하지 않으면
꽃의 향기조차 맡을 수 없기에.
꽃을 꺼기 위해서 가시에 찔리듯
사랑을 얻기 위해
내 영혼의 상처를 견뎌 낸다.
상처받기 위해 사랑하는 게 아니라
사랑하기 위해 상처받는 것이므로.
-조르주 상드
am i more than flesh and bone? am i really something beautiful?
how to be the same person wherever you are: be like Jesus.
